No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
