I heard we made out
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He's a Shit stain on my heart
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
