we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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