Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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