I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
