You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
