You really coming over, don't trick.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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