are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
In other news, I just burned my penis
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
