I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
