Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Sober January is a disaster.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
We smell like vodka and hangover
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