Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
