not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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