going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
