We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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