Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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