You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
