i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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