whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
