last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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