She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
