my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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