Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
