I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
All the doctor said was why
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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