so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
