My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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