Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
