you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
