I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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