I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
