i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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