i jhust puked up my retainher.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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