You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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