I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
