dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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