every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
