Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm like, not good at living.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
