people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
