So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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