he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
