Ambien. No doubt about it.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
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