we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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