Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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