i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
