I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
