separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
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He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
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He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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