I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
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I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
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Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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