Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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