our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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