Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
