i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
