The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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