hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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