You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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