So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
