After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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