Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
