Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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