dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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