We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
