When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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