I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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