Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
