I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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