u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
