I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
