I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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