dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
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