My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
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