My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
