My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
