I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
